BONJOUR, LESBIAN DREAM COUPLING Imagine a film where Mary-Louise Parker and Julie Delpy play lovers. Now imagine a film where Mary-Louise Parker and Julie Delpy play lovers in Paris. Now imagine a film where Mary-Louise Parker and Julie Delpy play lovers in Paris that you wouldn't have to imagine — because it is actually in the works. The film Les Passages, from first-time feature writer-director Donna Vermeer, is currently in pre-production. The synopsis, as posted on the movie's website, says that it follows a New York filmmaker named Catherine as she flees the Big Apple for Paris with her photographer daughter, Claire (not yet cast). There she begins to film an American movie because the City of Light reminds her of the New Jersey suburbs of her youth. I think that's probably the meanest thing anyone has ever said about Paris. In between filming she meets French actress Anna (Delpy), who winds up playing her mother in her movie. Their encounter “sets her life, and heart, on another course.” Hello, swoon. Now, filming hasn't started and this is very much an independent project, so who knows if it will ever really start. But with those stars attached and such potential swoony romanticism ahead, I think we should all use the power of positive thinking and make this dream come true. I'M UNDER YOUR SPELL We've had Nerd Willow, Wicca Willow, Dark Willow and now Naked Willow. Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the ongoing Buffy Season 8 comic book series, announced that everyone's favorite red-haired lesbian witch is going au naturelle in an upcoming issue. According to MTV News: “It'll be tasteful, unless (artist Karl Moline) does it the way I wrote it,” Whedon laughed. Don't assume it's another sex scene with Buffy, but something is about to happen that will rock the Scoobies' world.” Naked Willow and the rocking of worlds? This is exactly why I leave small offerings at my Joss Whedon shrine each and every morning. Genius like this must be worshiped and rewarded. A SNARK AND A HAIRCUT, TWO BITS Out lesbian hairstylist Tabatha Coffey's new reality show Tabatha's Salon Takeover opens for business Aug. 21 on Bravo. Coffey originally appeared on last year's debut season of Bravo reality contest Shear Genius. Her spin-off sounds a bit like the hairstylist's version of Hell's Kitchen, with her whipping unsatisfactory salons into shape. Sharp-tongued, straight-talking Australian native Coffey is known for her acerbic comments and perfect coif. She will tackle salons in the Los Angeles and New York areas, and previews have said she leaves some unsuspecting owners in tears. Wow, a wickedly snarky lesbian with fashion sense and great hair. Take that, flannel and mullets. —

BEHIND EVERY ANTI-LESBIAN COMMENT IS A STRAIGHT MAN SPURNED An here reader (thanks Rachel!) tipped us off to 23-year-old openly gay model Jessica Clarke, who starred in the music video for Usher's 2004 platinum and gold song "Burn." Yes, the same Usher who last week said that women were becoming lesbians en masse because there weren't enough men available. The "Burn" video is supposedly about a man who is distraught that his girlfriend left him, but it's much more enjoyable when viewed as a song about Usher lusting after a woman he can't have because she's gay. (According to a ContactMusic.com story, that may not be far from the truth.) Usher's "Burn" with Jessica Clarke Maybe it's not a lack of men that's turning women gay, Usher — maybe it's you! But enough about him, here are a few modeling photos of Jessica: Not sure what she's modeling in this last photo, but I'm not sure it matters, either. In addition to modeling, the 23-year-old Londoner-turned-New Yorker is now a life coach who watches Dexter, House and The L Word, listens to M.I.A., Amy Winehouse and the Indigo Girls, and reads The Beauty Myth, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, and The Handmaid's Tale. You can find all this info and more on her her MySpace page, including a "support same-sex marriage" petition and lots of photos of Jessica and her girlfriend Lacey, like this one: Sorry Usher (and readers) — looks like Jessica's definitely off the market! —

DWIGHT SCHRUTE: WARRIOR PRINCESS For some reason, the July 4 issue of Entertainment Weekly is a veritable gold mine of material for this week's BLWE column. If they could keep it up, it would make finding things to write about a heck of a lot easier in a world where lesbian news is sometimes as scarce as a porterhouse at a vegan convention. In the issue, The Office star Rainn Wilson did a photo spread of classic TV roles, including MacGyver, Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Paulie Walnuts from The Sopranos, and Xena, because he knows that nothing says dress-up fun like a bra made during the Bronze Age. Rainn reports that he watched Xena because it was "oddly titillating" and, like us, he "kept wanting to see more cleavage." Take a number, Rainn. Note the attention to detail: The only thing missing, aside from Lucy Lawless' innate hotness, are her ice-blue peepers. There can only be one true Xena. Lucy has nothing to worry about. REPORTS OF THEIR DEATHS HAVE BEEN EXTREMELY EXAGGERATED Also in the July 4 issue of Entertainment Weekly, special guest contributor Jodie Foster shared her thoughts on the top "New Classic Near-Death Experiences" in film. Jodie fans can have their own near-death experiences by turning to page 21 and having their hearts stopped by this photo: Maybe it's her degree in literature from Yale coming out, but five of her 10 picks were films based on novels: Fearless, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, The Last Temptation of Christ, Into the Wild and The Life Before Her Eyes. But can The Last Temptation of Christ truly be categorized as a "near-death" experience? Wouldn't it be more accurate to call it a "death-in-an-everlasting-life-kind-of-a-way" experience? To see the list in its entirety, sans awesome Jodie head shot, go here. Not that anyone asked me, but my list (of one) for "Best Character After a Near-Death Experience" goes to Jodie as Erica Bains in The Brave One. Any movie where Jodie replies to the question, "Are you a cop?" with a cool, calm, yet edgy, "You wish," is my kind of movie. — by Dara Nai